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I ‘Highly’ Recommend: Blazing Up & Watching “Spongebob Squarepants” on Broadway

So I was given free tickets to see Spongebob Squarepants: The Musical on Broadway.

My expectations for this musical were low.

First of all …

1.) I’m a fucking grown.

Second of all,

2.) I hate musicals. Like unless they’re Disney movies I grew up watching, I’m not interested. I’ve never even seen Hamilton, but you can keep it. NOT INTERESTED! Plus I figured out very early on that this wasn’t gonna be a dude in a costume. This was gonna be a regular ass nigga in a yellow t-shirt and suspenders embodying the spirit of Spongebob…whet!?

Third of All,

3.) I figured that this show was made for 5-year olds and high people. So I took a few hits off a PAX vaporizer and I committed to sticking around till intermission.

Once I was sufficiently high I paid for an overpriced theater beer, and found my seat behind Oliver, the hyperactive, wide eyed toddler. All the florescent neon lights were pleasure to both of our easily amused senses I’m sure.

So the key to watching Spongebob Squarepants: The Musical on Broadway is….

To act like you’ve never even heard of Spongebob Squarepants. Pretend like you have no frame of reference and this is just some trippy avant garde theater shit. If you spend the whole time comparing and contrasting how this dude looks nothing like a sea sponge, you will hate life and won’t be able to give it the chance it deserves.

And it really does deserve a chance. The soundtrack is so damn ill!

The soundtrack features songs composed by the late David Bowie, T.I, Brain Eno, Panic! At The Disco, John Legend, Yolanda Adams, Cindi Lauper, The Flaming Lips and more. And they’re all original songs. I imagine David Bowie sick and working on his last album Blackstar, taking a break to eat edibles and write a song about Bikini Bottom. Like the most prog-rock song about a cartoon scenario you’ve ever heard.

Overall,

The musical wasn;t as bad as I expected. Kids will love it. Adults will appreciate what went into making it. The costumes, the set, and a hefty budget which according to Variety magazine was between a $15 and $20 million.

It had it’s funny moments. But the highlight of the entire thing. (And by entire thing I mean the 1st half. I stuck to my guns about leaving after intermission. I had shit to do and I’d seen enough) was a tour de force performance by Jai’len Christine Li Josey as Pearl, Mr. Krabs daughter. Her voice was EVERYTHING! I admittedly don’t know shit about musical theater, or theater in general, but I know that chick deserves a Tony award immediately. Bitch can sang.

‘Pearl’ Art by sarahfina-rose.deviantart.com

So I guess if I had to rate it on a scale of 1-5

( Can’t do 1-10 since I only saw half the show. Sue me!)

I would give it a solid 4. I did enjoy all that I did see.

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